Proof that You’re Only a Hookup to Pump and Dump

Having a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation can be fun for the foolish and promiscuous… until you realize that’s all you are. Here are signs you’re just a hookup.

Modern Dating vs Hooking Up

In today’s dating world, many relationships start off in the hookup phase, which is often the opposite of how things traditionally went. Normally, you meet, date, develop feelings, and then get intimate. And HOPEFULLY with marriage before sex! But now, the sequence is often reversed, making it important to spot signs you’re just a hookup.

Here’s the key: you get the level of realtionship that you settle for. If you set yourself up for casual with no long-term commitment, then you’re signaling to men that this is all you are good for — the only value you have to offer is a recreational orifice. If that is what you want, self-degradation, then keep making those choices. If you want more and better for yourself, then reject the entire hookup culture and the hookup phone apps!

Traditionally, people might start with physical chemistry and then wonder if it could develop into something more. Recognizing these signs early on is essential, especially since many relationships today skip the dating phase completely — especially if you’re a woman, it’s essentially free food! Each side is using the other in a transactional way for immediate gratification. This is like two ticks on a dog, except there is no dog — you’re just trying to feed off of each other — ewww!

A couple of drinks at the bar, and you’re straight to the bedroom. This shift makes it hard to figure out if the person you’re seeing is truly interested or just in it for the hookup. And since behavior is the highest form of communication, your behavior is communicating you have low value and low self-respect

The whole hookup culture is spreading, especially with younger people. All those hormones and lack of maturity for impulse control, and all. It’s about casual encounters — all about taking without having to really give of yourself. Dating used to involve dinner dates and long chats, but now, it’s all about a quick swipe and instant meetups.

Bypassing the pressure of traditional romance, apps and social media have made it easier to find these kinds of casual/meaningless connections. We used to call this a “one night stand”, but now it is a way of life for many in their teens and twenties and thirties and beyond… The Greeks in their civilization labeled this as a direct path toh “dissipation” — becoming used up and hollowed out. It means a loss of vitality, drive, as if your very soul is evaporating.

Like cocaine, hookup culture has some fun moment, but it’s also breeds confusion. It blurs the lines, it muddies the watters, of what relationships are supposed to be.

That’s why it’s important to spot the signs that you’re simply a hookup. These include lack of emotional connection, disjointed texts, and focusing on physical attraction rather than anything deeper.

Understanding hookup culture and what you’re comfortable with is key. What is the lowest standard you will hold yourself to, if you even have standards. Obviously many celebs have no worthwhile standards. They have money but no inner vitality to rise about mere animalistic impulse control. (Think P Diddy, think Alyssa Milano, etc.)

If you’re not okay with being just a hookup, you need to be clear on your boundaries. The more animalistic you behave, the more you trample on your own humanity. So be clear on the cause-and-effect reationship between actions and consequences. Otherwise you cannot hope to make either wise or informed choices in life.

Signs You’re Just a Hookup and Nothing Else: In modern dating, some people only want a hookup, no strings attached. If you notice certain behaviors, it’s a clear sign they’re not interested in a deeper relationship.

1. You Only See Them at Night
   If you only hang out after dark, you’re probably just their sex buddy. They avoid daytime meetings, making it clear that you’re only needed for nighttime fun.
2. Plans Are Always Last-Minute
   If they only text you late at night to make spontaneous plans, you’re likely not a priority. You’re more of an afterthought when they have nothing better to do.
3. No “Real” Dates
   If you’re only hanging out in their apartment and never going out on real dates, they’re not interested in building a deeper connection.
4. No Personal Talk
   If they don’t talk about their life, family, or hobbies, they’re likely keeping you at arm’s length so you don’t expect more than a hookup. They don’t want to know you, engage with your heart as you’re a recreational orifice.
5. No “Relationship Talk”
   If you’ve never had a conversation about what you are, it’s probably because they don’t want to clarify that they’re only looking for sex. A you “going steady”? Obviously not. Today this is undefinied for total immediate gratification, and simply called a vague “situationship.”
6. Late Replies and Avoiding Calls
   If they don’t respond until late in the day, it’s likely because they’re not interested in your day or life, just in meeting up later.
7. You’ve Never Been to Their Place
   If they have roommates and you’ve never been invited over, they likely don’t see you as someone they want to introduce to their life. Clearly this keeping you at “arms length” will extend to not metting their friends, parents and family. They don’t want you to know anyone in their life that they VALUE or RESPECT because, as a recreational orifice, you’re below that category.
8. No Sleepovers
   If they leave immediately after sex, avoiding any cuddling or staying over, they’re only in it for the physical side of things.
9. No Post-Sex Affection
   If they don’t cuddle or show affection after intimacy, it’s a clear sign they only care about the physical aspect of the relationship.
10. No Social Media Connection
    If they won’t add you on social media, it’s because they want to keep their personal life separate from you.
11. Avoiding You in Public
    If they act like they didn’t see you in public, it’s a sign they’re not interested in being seen with you outside of a hookup.
12. Short Get-Togethers
    If your hangouts are brief and centered around sex, it’s clear that they’re not interested in spending time together in a non-physical way.
13. No Pet Names
    Couple pet names like “baby” or “honey” are absent in your interactions. If they’re not calling you these names, they probably don’t see you as anything more than a hookup.
14. No Effort in Pleasing You
    If they’re not concerned with your satisfaction and are only focused on their own, you’re likely just a hookup.
15. You Always Start the Conversations
    If you’re the one initiating every conversation, and it’s only about making plans for later, you’re just a hookup to them.
16. No Integration Into Their Social Life
    If they avoid introducing you to their friends and family, they’re likely keeping you separate from their personal life, reinforcing that it’s just a hookup.
17. Avoiding Emotional Support
    If they’re never there for you emotionally, or seem uninterested in your struggles, they’re not invested in anything beyond the physical aspect.
18. No Interest in Your Life
    If they don’t ask about your day or show interest in your life, it’s a sign they don’t care about anything beyond the physical connection.
19. You Feel Replaceable
    If you feel like you could easily be replaced, it’s a sign they’re not emotionally invested in you as a person.
20. No Special Occasions Together
    If you’re never included in holidays, birthdays, or important events, it’s clear they don’t see you as someone worth celebrating with.
21. They’re Seeing Other People
    If they’re dating other people and tell you about it, they’re making it clear that they only want something casual from you.
22. They Tell You Directly
    If they call you their “friend with benefits,” it’s a clear sign they only see you for sex, with no romantic interest.

The more I write this, the more it looks like a lose-lose situation. How to Move Forward: If you recognize that you’re just a hookup, it’s time to take stock of your feelings and what you want moving forward.

1. Be Honest With Yourself
   Are you okay with this casual setup, or do you want something deeper? Recognizing your feelings is the first step in deciding your next move.
2. Communicate Your Feelings
   If you want something more, communicate it clearly. Be honest, and see if they’re on the same page.
3. Set Boundaries
   Define your boundaries so you’re not feeling uncomfortable or dissatisfied with the arrangement.
4. Assess the Situation
   Step back and evaluate if this is fulfilling your needs. Does it align with your desires and values?
5. Practice Self-Care
   Take care of your emotional well-being. If you’re conflicted, seek support from friends or a professional.
6. Reflect on Personal Growth
   Use this situation to learn about your needs and preferences for future relationships.
7. Explore Other Options
   If you don’t want to be just a hookup, explore other ways of meeting people who want something more committed.
8. Don’t Blame Yourself
   Don’t blame yourself if things don’t evolve as expected. Hookups often have different expectations from both sides.
9. Make a Plan
   Once you know what you want, create a plan for moving forward. This could mean continuing the hookup with boundaries, transitioning into something more serious, or ending things.

Be True to Yourself: Understanding where you stand in any relationship is crucial. Whether it’s casual or committed, your needs and values should guide your choices. Don’t settle for something that doesn’t align with your desires, and be honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship.

Your body and heart will get treated based on your behavior’s communication of your value as a person.