Are you remaining in a “Danger Zone”?

Unsolicited advice to anyone being abused at this time (abuse can take many forms): If someone is in a “danger zone”, top priority is to LEAVE the danger zone. All else is secondary.

Work out things with clarity AWAY from the danger. Trying to fix things while remaining inside a danger zone has consistently proven to be a horrible strategy — it is foolish wishful thinking, that consistently encourages and extends more abuse. I’ve witnessed many patterns of people being abused that foolishly imagine (they rationalize) they can fix abuse while in the context that allows for more abuse to continue. Get out. THEN figure the rest out.

I fully realize it is not convenient to leave where you are living. Yes, there are lots and lots of complications with that. But you are literally either choosing MORE abuse or choosing to take prudent action to open positive pathways (healthy opportunities) to come about. God loves us, but we have to do our part, more than say NO with words, to say NO with consistent actions and real boundaries. No abuser will respect you or change their ways when you volunteer to remain inside a danger zone. A “soft no” to an abuser is not saying a meaningful NO.

I’ve seen how humans rationalize and engage in delusional thinking. They compare the inconvenience (pain) of changing their circumstances / location with the pain of still being abused at they level they have become used to being abused (normalized). 100% of the time, I have seen the abuse escalate dramatically, which gives them a moment of clarity in their pain as to how stupid it is (self-defeating) to remain in an abuse zone. You simply cannot think straight inside the danger zone; instead you remain in they cycle of reactions. If you know a friend being abused, they probably NEED YOU to think straight for them at this time, not to minimize the danger or take halfway actions that fail to stop the abuse.

An abused human often does too little, too late. That is the norm and that is why abuse stays rampant. They might act HALFWAY. Halfway does not work.

If any abuser still has ACCESS to you, you ave still very much inside the same danger zone. Moving from one living location to another living location (second house, motel, relative, friend, etc.), but the abuser still can access you is NO BUENO. (come by, have or get keys to get inside, etc.) Any meaningful stopping of abuse means a boundary against all access. Simply locking yourself within your room in the same house is an example of “halfway” that never ends up working — don’t lie to yourself.

But then, when the next abuse event hits, if they don’t use that temporary painful CLARITY to take strong, decisive action and remove themselves from any life context the abuser controls, the fog of delusion and rationalization tends to creep back in, keeping them from getting up and simply leaving the danger zone. While you cannot control the abuser, you can control the actions you take to not just “limit” but to fully CUT OFF all access the abuser has to you.

You want to LOVE someone being abused, then stress how vital it is for them to leave the danger zone. Help provide a safe escape for them where they can think straight! Realize the human tendency to be stupid while being abused that has them gravitate towards no true progress from rationalizing not enough decisive action to get out of the danger zone. Tough love is required, not optional. Make no compromises with abuse.